People all over the work tune into NHK World’s Newsline every weekday to listen to the too-cute-to-be-human Miki Yamamoto read the news for “Japan and Around the World.” But have we ever thought about just what “too cute to be human” means?
That’s right. She isn’t human. She is an alien visitor, most likely sent to gather data on Earth’s culture—especially the highest expression of that culture: Japanese public TV—from the inside.
If you don’t believe me, just look at the animation below. Even with their advanced makeup techniques, including cheek padding, the visitors can’t change the overall proportions of their skulls.
Ms. Yamamoto most likely relies on a high quality latex mask, human-hair wig, and special contacts applied to the lower portion of her giant black alien eyes. Given the different size of the visitors’ eyes, she is forced to peer out though what, to her, must seem like pin-holes. Her occasional difficulties reading the teleprompter lend credence to this interpretation.
Note also Ms. Yamamoto’s apparent lack of aging. According to data from various internet sources, she should now be in her mid to late 40’s. Yet she looks exactly the same as she did eleven years ago (minus the pigtails). That is to say she looks about 20 years old. This discrepancy can easily be explained by the fact that latex masks of the quality Miki Yamamoto requires are hard to come by, so she has been using the same one for some time.
It is hard to imagine that Ms. Yamamoto’s makeup artist is not in on the secret, since at close range a professional would immediately notice her disguise. This person is clearly either an alien themselves, or a human agent of aliens. If the former, it would explain some of the questionable lipstick and makeup choices seen on NHK announcers in recent years, since aliens perceive a different color spectrum than we do. In fact, we should probably consider the possibility that NHK is now completely riddled with alien infiltrators.
I know that these revelations may be shocking for some. I was shocked myself when I first realized the truth (although my fifth, sixth, and seventh beers helped with the shock). I knew, though, that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t let all of you know.